twitchbell

Title: Not Another Love, Song
Author: twitchbell
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: Teen
Characters: Eleventh Doctor; River Song; OC companion
Pairing: Eleventh Doctor/River Song
Summary: The Doctor has a visitor, and his current companion isn't sure what to make of her.
Word count: 1158
Spoilers: None
Author's Notes: Fluff. Banter. Humour. Set somewhere in Series 7a. I've given the Doctor a temporary companion while he's off on his own in-between Pond adventures.

There was no Doctor in the control room. He should have been there, twirling around the console or doing something clever to the ship's innards with his sonic screwdriver. But instead all Priya could see was a tweed jacket and one shoe lying discarded on the floor.

That didn't look good. Priya knew the Doctor had a habit of jaunting around the universe while she was sleeping. Had something bad happened to him? Priya found his bow tie further up the corridor and then his other shoe in front of a door. She pushed it, and then pushed harder when she found the doorway was partially blocked by a pair of trousers.

Trousers?

Priya poked her head inside and her eyes widened. The Doctor was sprawled out, eyes closed, on a bed of majestic proportions and there was no sign of blood or injury on his body. Priya could see that quite clearly because he was naked and displaying far more of himself than she wanted to see. She hastily averted her eyes and found herself staring instead at the pink fluffy handcuffs securing one of his wrists to the bed.

A door at the far side of the room opened and a woman walked out. A curvaceous goddess of a woman with wet curly hair, clad only in a skimpy towel.

'Hello there,' she said brightly. 'Can I help you?'

'Yes,' Priya said, folding her arms and glaring. 'You can start by telling me who the hell you are.'

'I'm River Song.'

The Doctor blinked his eyes open and yawned. 'She's my wife.' Then he seemed to recollect where he was and his current state of undress. A look of blind panic crossed his face and he one-handedly dragged the sheets up over himself in a flurry of embarrassment. 'Priya! What are you doing in here?'

'Making sure you're not dead! I wasn't expecting to find you in the throes of ... of illicit passion!'

'It wasn't illicit! We're married! It was ... licit passion.'

'And we weren't in the throes of anything because we've already consummated our passion,' River Song added helpfully. 'Several times, in fact.'

'That's way too much information.' Priya scowled.

The Doctor stopped looking smug long enough to say self-righteously, 'Well, that's what you get if you wander into people's bedrooms without permission.'

'I wasn't wandering anywhere! I just told you – I thought you were injured or dying or something.'

'Only le petit mort,' River Song murmured, shaking her wet hair out of her eyes.

Priya chose to ignore that. 'And if you don't want people in here, then lock the door or put up a sign: Shagging my wife. Do not enter.'

'Fair point.' River Song looked at the Doctor. 'You should do that, dear.'

'And when did you get a wife? You never mentioned you had a wife!' Priya felt obscurely annoyed.

River Song narrowed her eyes at the Doctor. 'Do not tell me she's in love with you.'

'I'm not in love with him! I'm not into him at all.' Priya planted her hands on her hips, raised an eyebrow and stared at River Song. 'You, on the other hand ...'

'Now that's interesting,' River Song purred at the same time as the Doctor raised his voice and said, 'No! Stop it! No flirting with my wife. And River, no flirting with my companion. Absolutely not.'

'Bless,' said River Song. 'He's just jealous because you're not into him.'

'Sorry about that, Doctor,' Priya said, not feeling remotely sorry. 'It's not you specifically. Men don't do it for me, that's all.'

'What did you say your name was?' River Song accidently let the towel slip just a little. 'Oops.'

'I didn't. And it's Priya.'

'River! No flings with companions unless we're both involved. That's The Rule, remember?'

'No.'

'Oh.' The Doctor floundered and then rallied. 'Ah. Well. In that case, this must be the day we make The Rule.'

'We? Why in the name of sanity would I want to make such a silly rule?'

The Doctor sighed. ' Think it through, River. You're the one who told me about The Rule.'

Priya's head started to hurt. 'Wait, what? How can you have told him about this rule and not remember it?'

'Because she hasn't told me yet,' the Doctor said impatiently. 'We both travel through time and space and we don't always meet up in the right order.'

Priya shook her head. 'Of course you don't. Why would I ever imagine that you, of all people, had an ordinary marriage?'

River Song had been thinking it through. 'So either we both have a fling with your companion or neither of us do? There's a certain logic to that.'

'Yes, there is. For a start, it avoids any embarrassing misunderstandings,' the Doctor said with feeling, but refrained from adding details.

'Well, I'm glad you've got that sorted.' Priya looked at River Song. 'Sorry we can't have a fling – I'm sure it would have been memorable. So now what? Should I find an extra mug for tea while you get dressed? Or do you need to leave for work or anything?'

'I'm an assassin and an archaeologist,' River Song told her. 'I pretty much make my own hours.'

'Well, that's ... different. Have you assassinated anyone recently?'

'Only the Doctor.'

'O...kay.' Priya blinked.

'I got better,' the Doctor said. 'And now River's teaching me about sex and I'm teaching her not to kill people. So far it's working pretty well. Can I have the key to the handcuffs, please?'

'I'd love a spot of tea, Priya,' River Song said, sashaying over the bed and dropping a small key just out of the Doctor's reach. 'And I can stay on for a bit. We can flirt, if you like.'

'No flirting,' said the Doctor quickly, trying to reach for the key and maintain his dignity.

'No flings,' River Song corrected him. 'The Rule is no flings. That's what you said. A fling is no-strings sex. But flirting is the spice of life. So flirting is cool as long as it doesn't lead to a fling.'

'Flirting,' said the Doctor, 'is never cool. Unless ...' He stopped, looking shifty.

'Unless what?' Priya demanded. 'Go on. Tell us.'

'He was going to say no flirting unless he's involved,' River Song said with a curl of her lip. 'Honestly, Doctor. It's always about you, isn't it?'

'My ship, my rules,' the Doctor said sulkily.

'Rubbish!' River Song stalked over to the door, kicking the Doctor's trousers out of the way with one elegantly disdainful foot. 'I'm the child of the TARDIS – I'll explain later, Priya – and she likes us flirting. So we shall flirt all we want. And we do want, don't we, Priya?'

'I'm definitely considering it.' Priya looped her arm around River Song's. 'Now, how do you like your tea?'

'Hot and strong.'

Priya grinned. 'Of course you do.'

~end~