Fanfic: Torchwood/Top Gear

[twitchbell]

So. Here's hoping
a. someone likes it
b. I manage the damn lj cut

Title: Three Men and a Maserati
Author: twitchbell
Fandom: Torchwood/Top Gear
Rating: 13+
Characters: Jack Harkness, Jeremy Clarkson, James May, Richard Hammond
Warnings: RPS. No others so far as I know.
Spoilers: None
Summary: "My name is Jack Harkness. I'm not here to fix your car, I'm here to remove you from it for your own safety."
Disclaimer: Torchwood/Top Gear belong to the BBC. The presenters belong to themselves.
Archive: Yes, but contact me, so I know where it's going.
Notes: Written for The 'Captain Jack Sexes Everyone In Every Fandom Ever' Challenge. Because I am weak and can resist everything except temptation. Extensive knowledge of cars (hah!), and Top Gear presenters' motor vehicle preferences, cribbed entirely from the Internet. Apologies if it's all bollocks.





Jack Harkness checked his watch. Five minutes to ground zero.

Then the last nest of blood-beetles – mercifully still at the larval stage - would be blown back to hell. A dozen mature blood-beetles could kill a full-grown man in seconds: existing on electricity, they sucked it from the blood glucose of any living thing they came across, killing them in the process. As each nest had upwards of fifty thousand larvae, failure to wipe them all out would have been very bad news indeed.

This last one – located under a dirt track on a remote Welsh hillside – had been the most isolated site of them all. Jack leaned back on the bonnet of his Mitsubishi Warrior and was just about to congratulate himself on a job well done when he heard the unmistakable growl of an engine.

The next minute a silver car rolled around the corner and came to a dead stop right on top of the blood-beetle nest.

Of all the unlikely vehicles to be driving up a remote Welsh hillside, this sleek thoroughbred of a saloon came damn near the top of the list. And now it was sitting immobile in the worst possible place, its engine utterly dead - thanks to the ion emitter Jack had buried alongside the explosives to prevent any early maturing blood-beetles making a bid for freedom. Jack breathed out a quick expletive and then focussed his attention where it now belonged - getting the occupants of the car out of it before their number was up.

And they were far too busy bickering to even notice his approach.

"Oh for God's sake! Now what have you done? Why won't it start? Have you broken it?"

"I have not! Look, I wasn't doing anything! I was just driving it along and –" Voluble indignation.

"And it stopped. Just like that." Withering sarcasm.

"It's not my fault! If you'd only read the map properly, we wouldn't even be here!"

"Well, it could be mechanical failure." A third voice, a voice of reason. "On the other hand, you could be right and Hammond has completely buggered it up." Or not.

"Gentleman." Jack bent down and peered through the partly open window on the driver's side. "You have a problem, and I'm here to help."

A moment's silence. Then, "I know the adverts have the AA popping up instantly in every bloody emergency, but frankly this is just a little too immediate to be credible." Mr Withering Sarcasm, the front seat passenger. Tall, middle-aged and grumpy.

"He's not the AA. You can tell. He doesn't have the right jacket." Mr Sometimes Voice of Reason, back seat passenger. Fluffy hair - probably left behind from another decade entirely.

"RAC?" said the driver hopefully. Short, nice teeth and way cuter than any adult male had a right to be. "Or maybe even Europ Assistance?"

"Who?" Grumpy.

"My mate's got breakdown cover with them."

"Why?"

"They're cheap."

"But are they any good?"

"I don't know. She hasn't broken down yet."

"Please." Jack forced his way into the conversation, because he had a feeling that if he didn't they would continue their pointless banter until it was too late. "My name is Jack Harkness. I'm not here to fix your car, I'm here to remove you from it for your own safety."

"Why? What's wrong with it?" The cute one.

"Apart from the fact that it's stopped moving and won't restart," qualified the fluffy one helpfully.

"Because Hammond broke it," added the grumpy one.

"I did not!"

This was going nowhere fast, Jack reflected. Pretty much like the car, in fact. He decided it was time for more direct action. He drew his gun. "Get out of the damned car! NOW!"

That had the desired effect. Partly. The three men exchanged startled looks, as if trying to decide whether Jack was winding them up or was a lunatic. By some unspoken agreement, they seemed to arrive at the second conclusion and stirred themselves to follow his instructions, clutching their various bags and briefcases.

"All right! We're out of the car. Now what? If this is a carjacking, I have to tell you that your logic is seriously screwed."

"Jeremy, don't upset him!" The cute one – Hammond – was looking anxious in a most adorable way. "He might be dangerous."

"I am." Jack gestured them away from the car, with a shark-like smile. "Move."

"Good God, he's actually got whiter teeth than Hammond," the fluffy one muttered.

"American," said Jeremy tersely. "Teeth-whitening. National sport."

"Where are we going?" Hammond asked a little nervously.

"Initially, to a safe distance," Jack replied, aiming his smile directly at Hammond, and turning it into something altogether more warm and intimate. It was a natural reaction; Jack's default setting was flirt. And while these guys were undoubtedly irritating and baffling in equal amounts, they didn't seem to represent a threat. Except to themselves, obviously. "You, my friends, are in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"And that would be the fault of Clarkson's map-reading," said the fluffy one, who must have a name, but no one had actually mentioned it yet. "A short-cut to Cardiff, he said."

"How was I to know your wretched maps were twenty years out of date? What sort of anally retentive idiot hoards maps for twenty years and then expects them to be of any use whatsoever as a navigational aid?"

"We were doing perfectly well until you failed to notice that this road went over some green and brown splodges which are the generally recognised symbols for higher ground."

"James has a point," Hammond said judiciously. "Especially as we wouldn't have needed to use his back-up maps anyway if you hadn't buggered about with the sat-nav and stopped it working."

"I was only –" Jeremy stopped and scowled. "Look, Mr. My-name-is-Jack-Harkness. I'd like to know, firstly, what constitutes a safe distance and, secondly, a safe distance from precisely what?"

Jack indicated his Mitsubishi, pulled off-road and half-hidden behind a bank of stunted trees. "When we're behind that, we're a safe distance. As for what, keep your head down and you'll find out soon enough." Not that finding out would make Jeremy any happier, Jack predicted. That scowl wouldn't be going away anytime soon. He holstered his gun and shoved the three of them unceremoniously behind the Mitsubishi. Something of his urgency must have finally communicated itself to them because they actually didn't argue.

In point of fact, they made it to safety just twenty seconds before the blast rocked the vicinity. As explosions went, this one was pretty spectacular – mostly due to the car's fuel tank igniting, Jack suspected. There was a muffled boom and then a further blast – that would have been the car – followed by a wave of heat, a scorched smell and a lot of mud and soil raining through the air. A ball of fire blossomed up above the road.

"Bloody hell!" Hammond yelped.

"You've just blown something up!" Jeremy said; for a moment he sounded rather impressed as if Jack had somehow risen in his estimation. Then he caught on, and his face altered. "Oh God! You didn't! Tell me you didn't!"

"I'm sorry," Jack said obliquely. "Like I said, you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's all I can say – my reason for being here is classified."

"Classified? What the fuck does that mean?" Jeremy's voice rose by several octaves. "Does that give you the authority to blow up a dirt road in Wales that just happens to have my car on it?"

"Yes," said Jack. "Actually, it pretty much does."

"Who the hell are you? Some sort of terrorist?" Hammond was obviously not thinking very clearly.

"I doubt it," James said, with a more sensible appreciation of events. "Or he wouldn't have bothered getting us out of the car before he blew it up."

"He blew it up!" Jeremy almost wailed the words. "I don't believe this is happening! Eighty thousand pounds worth of car and he blew it up!"

Eighty thousand pounds? Oh shit! Why in the name of all that was holy couldn't this lunatic trio have been driving something small, nasty and, above all, cheap?

Jeremy was already out from behind the Mitsubishi and heading back to the track, and the other two weren't far behind him. Jack wasn't entirely sure why they were so eager to go back and look – morbid curiosity? Surely they didn't imagine there would be anything left to salvage?

There wasn't. Just a blazing hole in the ground and a lot of dirt and a pile of twisted metal. If you squinted real hard through the flames, the metal did just about take on the shape of a crumpled car.

"Well, it was quite an impressive explosion," James allowed. "Certainly did the job."

"And you do like blowing things up, Jeremy, remember?" Hammond said encouragingly.

"Yes! Yes! I do! But not a Maserati Quattroporte Sport GT! If it were a Hyundai Accent, I'd be the first to start dancing around its charred remains. But it wasn't, was it?"

"Well, no," said Hammond, "Because obviously we wouldn't have been in a Hyundai Accent in the first place."

That was a pity, Jack thought. He was still on a learning curve as far as twenty-first century vehicles went, but if these guys were so sneery about Hyundai Accents he was pretty damn sure that it wouldn't cost eighty thousand pounds to replace one. He took out his scanner and turned his attention back to more practical matters. A close inspection of the detonation zone revealed that the telltale signature of the blood-beetles was nowhere to be found. The flames were already starting to die back; it was a damp day after a week of rain, and the light mist beginning to rise from the valleys would ensure that what remained of the fire was effectively smothered.

Jack pocketed the scanner and stared at Hammond, James and Jeremy. Obviously he was going to have to take them with him, at least as far as the nearest town. And then gather some details so that Torchwood could make the necessary reparations.

Hammond, James and Jeremy had paid Jack no attention whatsoever as he went about his inspection, which was something to be grateful for. Jeremy seemed to be going through a mourners' shopping list in his mind, itemising every last detail about the wretched car as if it would some how make a difference to the smoking ruin in front of him.

"It had a 4.2 litre V8 engine, and it went from 0 to 62 mph in just 5.2 seconds!"

"I think it went skyward a lot quicker than that," James observed. Hammond gave him a little shove and mock-frowned at his levity.

Jack cleared his throat in a remember-me-I'm-still-here kind of way. "I'm through here," he said. "Time to move out."

He was ignored. Jeremy, for one, was far too busy grieving to pay him any attention. "It was a masterpiece of Italian design!" he wailed, gesturing wildly at the wreckage with all the grace of a drunken marionette.

This lament was sort of splendid in an absurdly English way, Jack thought, deciding furthermore that Jeremy in this sort of angst-ridden mood was unexpectedly attractive.

"It had a top speed of one hundred and sixty seven miles an hour!"

Of course, he'd probably be even more attractive if he actually stopped talking, Jack reflected.

"Over 75% of the maximum torque was available at just 2,500 revolutions per minute!"

Or was prevented from talking. Jack's preferred method was novel, and technically counted as assault, but on the plus side it was highly effective and non-lethal.

"And it cost- "

Lunging smoothly with the ease of long practise, Jack sealed his mouth swiftly on Jeremy's. He intended the kiss to be light and teasing. But it didn't turn out at like that at all because Jeremy - Jeremy! – responded by wrapping one hand around the back of Jack's head and deepening the kiss into something altogether more thorough and promissory.

When they parted, it was Jack who was left temporarily speechless, running his tongue repeatedly over his lips. But Jeremy had definitely been distracted. He stared at Jack, an intense gleam in his eyes, and there was actually the faintest hint of a smile around his mouth before he spoke.

"You, Mr. Jack Harkness, are a complete bastard. You blew up my beautiful car, and no, I absolutely do not want to kiss you again."

"Oh yes you absolutely do, mate," James said wryly.

"Right!" Hammond sounded more animated than normal, if such a thing were actually possible. "There's no fooling us. We know you far too well."

"You do?" Jack tore his gaze away from Jeremy and onto James and Hammond.

The two were standing very close together, and James had one hand wrapped around Hammond's waist with a casual familiarity. They were both perfectly at ease with each other – and with the situation.

"Oh look, Mr. Jack Harkness is all confused." Jeremy's tone of voice pretty much defined sardonic. "You know, I have this sneaking suspicion that we're not behaving at all as he expected."

"Well, you certainly aren't. He didn't expect you to enjoy, being kissed, much less snog him back, now did he?" Hammond pointed out. "The poor sod was only trying to shut you up."

"Like we haven't all tried to do that at some point in our lives," James muttered. "With varying degrees of success, obviously. This was a novel approach, I have to say, even if not entirely successful."

"I should say not," Hammond agreed, "Seeing as the only one who has actually shut up is Jack himself."

"Just trying to get things a little clearer in my mind, is all," Jack murmured. "And to get a word in edgewise."

"Oh we don't need words." Hammond was grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Go on, kiss him again."

"And then you can kiss us," James added. "Because I don't know about Hammond here, but I'm bloody curious. I haven't seen Clarkson look that entranced since he drove the Bugatti Veyron."

"And he said driving that was utterly, stunningly, mind blowingly, jaw droppingly brilliant," Hammond put in.

"He was incoherent for days afterwards, it was that good," James said earnestly.

"That good?" said Jack. He feigned alarm at this information, before gifting Jeremy with the most provocative smile he had in his extensive repertoire, the one that practically rewrote the phrase come-hither. "So, there's absolutely no pressure on me at all, then."

"You strike me as the sort of man who can handle a lot of pressure," Jeremy breathed. It was his turn to swoop on Jack, raiding his mouth in a way that sent a thrill of lust spiking through Jack's nerve endings. He wasn't at all averse to letting Jeremy take control, of course - a dominant Jeremy would clearly make for interesting times - but if Jack could later cajole him into a more submissive role it would be a particularly sweet cherry on an already delicious cake.

"My turn," Hammond said when they drew apart.

"I was next," said James.

"Gentlemen, please." Jack frowned in mock reproof. "There's plenty of me to go around. Just form an orderly queue."

"Oh, we don't do orderly much," James said mildly.

"Or queues," added Hammond. "I mean, really, they're just something you have to stand in at bus stops."

"I wouldn't know –" Jack was silenced as James made his move. Obviously he could be quite forceful when the mood took him. He might be less nakedly aggressive than Jeremy, but he was particularly thorough and insistent and Jack relished every moment of it.

Hammond was positively humming with eagerness by the time it got to his turn. Jack did his damnedest to make sure that the wait was worthwhile, drawing on every bit of technique he had at his disposal – which is to say quite a lot. To judge from his enthusiastic – and by no means amateur – response, Hammond was appreciative. By the time Jack let him go, he was flushed and grinning from ear to ear.

"Nice! Very nice!"

Jack sketched a small bow. "And there's plenty more where that came from."

"I should damn well hope so," Jeremy said. "Believe me, we've every intention of finding out exactly how you handle." The predatory gleam in his eyes would have been slightly unnerving had it not been for the fact that his mouth was twitching with the effort to look fierce enough and kept threatening to collapse into a silly grin.

"But not out here," said Hammond firmly. "It's too bloody cold and wet. And that Mitsubishi of yours is about as suitable for sex as a generously sized filing cabinet."

James nodded in agreement. "No leg room in the rear seats. Not a hope in hell that it would accommodate the needs of four adults."

"So you need to take us back to your place," Jeremy finished with the air of a man solving a not too difficult problem.

"And on the way, you can flirt some more with the Hamster because he likes that sort of thing," James put in. "He's a bit of a tart that way."

"Hey!" Hammond was indignant. "Who are you calling a tart?" The others ignored him with an ease clearly borne of long practise.

"And what if I have other places to be, and people to see?" Jack queried out of mild interest.

"Not interested. Look, you've blown up my car and completely failed to give us any satisfactory explanation other than 'it's classified'. You owe me, matey."

"Yes," Hammond nodded. "You owe him eighty thousand pounds to be exact."

"And right here is where you start paying," James threw in cryptically.

"You mean you actually want me to pay off a debt of eighty thousand pounds by – er – servicing all of you?" Jack wasn't entirely sure how seriously to take this latest twist in the conversation: sometimes the British had a very odd sense of humour.

"Of course we don't, because that would make us extremely stupid," said Jeremy. "We want the money as well. So. Are you up for it?"

It. Jack allowed himself a moment's reflection. He was in no doubt that the sex would be one long glorious muddle, full of squabbles and mind games about who got to do what to whom and in which order. He was also pretty certain that this would all be punctuated by much pointless banter, with some obscure discussions about the respective merits of a variety of motor vehicles he'd never heard of thrown in for good measure.

In short, it would be an experience not to be missed.

"Oh yes," said Jack with complete conviction. "Gentlemen, I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."



THE END
 

Comments

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

So I wasn't the only person to think that throwing Jack together with the Top Gear Trio was a good idea?

Great fic! I like the description of James as the fluffy and Jack's attempt to shut Jeremy up by snogging. And of course they're not baffled by being hit on by a sexy American man!

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

I tried this as an experiment, because I've had writer's block for ages and I love the dynamic between the TG trio. So ... I thought I'd give it a go and see how it went. And it just took off like the clappers... scarily so, in fact. Practically wrote itself! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[emiloy.livejournal.com]

*is grinning from ear to ear*
brilliant!
*loveslovesloves*
squeeeee!

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

I got a squee! Yeah, go me!! I never had a squee before! Glad it made you smile.

[rionaleonhart]

(Er, my review sort of exceeded the length limit, so I'm going to split it into two comments. It seems that I just can't resist rambling when it comes to a foursome this awesome.)

Eeeee! Harkness/Hammond/Clarkson/May is an OT4 for ever.

I absolutely love the trio driving onto a nest that's about to be blown up, because it's just the sort of insane trouble they'd get into, only perhaps slightly more insane than usual.

And they were far too busy bickering to even notice his approach.

I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC ALREADY. Because they would be. Hee!

I cannot stop grinning during the bickering about exactly whose fault it was. Oh, it's just so them. I love it.

"Gentleman." Jack bent down and peered through the partly open window on the driver's side. "You have a problem, and I'm here to help."

A moment's silence. Then, "I know the adverts have the AA popping up instantly in every bloody emergency, but frankly this is just a little too immediate to be credible."

Bwahaha!

This is so incredibly wonderful. Everything about it is wonderful. I can see the whole insane scenario playing out.

Mr Sometimes Voice of Reason is quite possibly the greatest description of James May ever.

And they're just arguing and it's about to blow up and "Please." Jack forced his way into the conversation, because he had a feeling that if he didn't they would continue their pointless banter until it was too late and the only way he can get them out is with the gun and oh this is so wonderful. So wonderful.

The cute one – Hammond – was looking anxious in a most adorable way.

Hee! He always does, doesn't he?

"American," said Jeremy tersely. "Teeth-whitening. National sport."

THIS IS SO ABSOLUTELY WHAT JEREMY WOULD SAY. FORGIVE ME MY RANDOM BURSTS OF EXCITED ALLCAPS.

"Initially, to a safe distance," Jack replied, aiming his smile directly at Hammond, and turning it into something altogether more warm and intimate. It was a natural reaction; Jack's default setting was flirt.

It is! Your characterisation of Captain Jack is absolutely glorious, and I am having so much fun reading this.

they didn't seem to represent a threat. Except to themselves, obviously.

Ha!

"You, my friends, are in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"And that would be the fault of Clarkson's map-reading."

That is brilliant. (I am sorry that this review consists almost entirely of quoting lines and saying 'HOORAY!' or 'HILARIOUS!', but I seem to be incapable of saying anything of substance when I am so utterly filled with glee.)

"How was I to know your wretched maps were twenty years out of date? What sort of anally retentive idiot hoards maps for twenty years and then expects them to be of any use whatsoever as a navigational aid?"

It may interest you to know that I am actually dying of love for the banter here.

I, er, I am quoting rather a lot, aren't I? This is mainly because there is something awesome in every single line of this fic, but perhaps I should cut down a bit, because quoting the entire fic in a review would be silly.

"We were doing perfectly well until you failed to notice that this road went over some green and brown splodges which are the generally recognised symbols for higher ground."

...okay, yes, that is the very next line, so I'm already failing at cutting down on the quotes, but this captures James' voice so well. (And Jeremy's broken the sat-nav! And they've been ushered out of their car by a man with a gun and all they can do is argue! I love them!)

[rionaleonhart]

"You've just blown something up!" Jeremy said; for a moment he sounded rather impressed as if Jack had somehow risen in his estimation.

Ahahaha! The best way to get on Clarkson's good side: blow something up. Unless that something is his car, of course.

"Well, it was quite an impressive explosion," James allowed. "Certainly did the job."

Such a good James voice.

I love Jeremy's mourning - and, of course, James' quiet mockery. Hee! (Also, 'all the grace of a drunken marionette' is quite the image.)

This lament was sort of splendid in an absurdly English way, Jack thought, deciding furthermore that Jeremy in this sort of angst-ridden mood was unexpectedly attractive.

"It had a top speed of one hundred and sixty seven miles an hour!"

Of course, he'd probably be even more attractive if he actually stopped talking, Jack reflected.

If I could draw little hearts all over this review, I would. Hee!

Or was prevented from talking. Jack's preferred method was novel, and technically counted as assault, but on the plus side it was highly effective and non-lethal.

CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS KISSES JEREMY CLARKSON JUST TO SHUT HIM UP

EXCUSE ME I MUST TAKE A MOMENT TO DWELL ON THE SHEER AWESOMENESS OF THIS.

BEST THING EVER.

And I love Jeremy being smug at managing to completely turn Jack's intentions around and surprise him. And I adore "He was incoherent for days afterwards, it was that good," but this is because I have a bizarre fondness for the insane-but-totally-canon Jeremy Clarkson/Bugatti Veyron pairing.

And now they're fighting over Harkness, because they fight over everything. Hee!

"And that Mitsubishi of yours is about as suitable for sex as a generously sized filing cabinet."

A Top Gear analogy being used regarding a car's suitability for sex? Fantastic.

"So you need to take us back to your place," Jeremy finished with the air of a man solving a not too difficult problem.

Oh, Jeremy would. "Right, you're taking us back to your place." He's so arrogant and presumptuous and I adore him an inappropriate amount.

Thank you for this!

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

It was the banter wot made me do it, guv. Couldn't resist, mate. I am so seriously in love with writing their banter that I even compromised my no-RPS-well-I'll-read-it-guiltily-but-will-never-EVER-write-it-oh-no-I'm-not-a-hypocrite-much policy which has stood me in fine stead for, ooh, years.

And, let me tell you, never has a policy been more gaily abandoned. :-)

Thanks so much for all your comments, which made me laugh out loud. And I must confess that I'm starting to adore Jeremy an inappropriate amount, too.

[the-summoning-d.livejournal.com]

You see Riona said everything I was thinking, but far more coherently than I could have managed, so I'm just going to second both of her comments. Also: yay! *happy flail* Jack/TG3 is my new OTP!

[the-summoning-d.livejournal.com]

OT4. Thingy. Whatever.

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Jack and our merry trio do seem to be made for each other - in some strange and twisted way. And now that there are some vacancies in the Hub ... Pauses for a moment to think of the TG3 cocking around with Torchwood's alien technology... WE'D ALL BE DOOMED!

Thank you for your comments. Does *happy flail* in return.

[faith-less-one.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

[moviegrrl.livejournal.com]

oh my GOOD GOD
you have raised the broadest grin on my face
thank you a 1000 times over
*must share with non-LJ-ers*
truly truly wonderful

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Thank you - must admit that all these nice comments are putting a broad grin on my own face.

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

I love you. THIS MUCH. There is love. Also content, there is that. Am content. There is a happy yet silly grin. Oh yes, there is love.

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Aah, it's all about the love, isn't it? I like this foursome lots. Not too sure how I could extend it now that 'Torchwood' has actually started and I see how it's working - unless Jack can only maintain his broody, angsty exterior there if he's allowed to go off every now and then and have mad sex with the TG trio.

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

Somehow this all made me think that (aside from lots of TG-in-or-around-or-on-a-car sex) there should be - like with the celebrity guests - picking various characters from all fandoms and dropping them in the middle of said trio. See what happens. Who survives the snark ;) and who gets into a foursome.

Also, it made me think of the Four Car-Guys of the Apocalypse.

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Oh yes! I like the idea of fictional guests being dropped in the middle of our trio to see what happens. It would make a good fic challenge somewhere.

Don't know Four Car-Guys of the Apocalypse- where can I read it? Sounds ... apt!

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

It's not a fic or anything, just an idea - I have a fandom with the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - actually, I have a couple. So TG guys (Top Gear, not transgenders), they're three, you add one, and the idea just presents itself.

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see. Would be a good idea for a story, though!

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

You're more than welcome to it. I got enough apocalypses on my hands ;)

[gestalt1.livejournal.com]

WOOOHOHOOO!!!!!!!!!! This is a beautiful, beautiful fic. Wow. Just lovely!

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it - it was a lot of fun to write, and a whole lot more interesting than what I should've been doing at the time ...!

[kephisos.livejournal.com]

*ASPLODES WITH SQUEE*

I love this so much you wouldn't believe.

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Many thanks. :-)

Of course, now 'Torchwood' has actually aired I see that we don't have flirty, playful Jack anymore but a dark, moody sort of chap instead, which doesn't quite square with my story. Bugger!

I actually like to think that although Jack isn't getting any bedroom action in 'Torchwood' - I don't count snogging an unconscious Ianto as action - he's really leading a double life. He doesn't always spend the night in the Hub. Oh no. Quite often he spends it with various combinations of our three favourite motoring journalists, and while he's with them he casts off his dark moodiness and has lots of sex and snuggles. Thinking this makes me happy. Oh yes!

[faith-less-one.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Oh noes! Please don't die!

I might finish writing something else and need you to read it! ;-)

[linakitten.livejournal.com]

It's taken me this long to find this work of genius?

SQUEEEEEEEEEE!

*has been craving Captian Jack/TG3 for aaages*

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Ah, thanks! :)

I'd love to do more - it would be a lot easier to do crossovers if TW hadn't turned out to be so bloody angsty! Maybe one day.

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

I've just found you comment - thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Now I feel like a complete pillock because I've accidently deleted your comment. Sorry!

[starbrow.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, this needed to exist. Brilliant! And hot! And just generally squee-worthy!

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

Oh, thanks.:) I'm really pleased you enjoyed it!

[geotoni.livejournal.com]

Oh...My...Goodness... This was Fantastic! I don't think i have laughed so hard for a fiction before, this was great!
I absolutly love the banters between the three TG guys and Jack getting annoyied, and course jeremy's & James comment on Jack having whiter teeth than Hamster. LOL! This was great!
Loved it!

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

I loved writing the banter between the TG team (and Jack) so I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun to write, and it's nice to know you found it fun to read. Thanks.

[timeywimeyball.livejournal.com]

It's all been said before (two years ago, to boot) but still- oh my. This thing is brilliant.

The banter. The names assigned to them before Jack learns their names. The constant banter. The assumption that, of course, Jack is taking them back to his place. The fact that the whole thing remains in character all the way through.

And of course, the pondering on what the sex will be like...and then, of course, the penultimate paragraph.

In short- the whole thing is astoundingly awesome, and I am very, very glad I got the chance to read it. So thank you for writing and posting this whole thing for such people as I, who feel compeled to write an overly long comment...

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I loved writing the banter! (Was it really two years ago? Eek!)

[sam-arkand.livejournal.com]

Dear Lord. You have the Top Gear voices dead on, which makes the slash moment both quite mind-bending and strangely plausible. The shout out to Jeremy's expression when he drove the Veyron made me laugh all the harder.

I would, however, pay considerably more than eighty thousand pounds to see the RL Jeremy's expression if someone ever told him about the existence of this fic.

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I made you laugh!

I would, however, pay considerably more than eighty thousand pounds to see the RL Jeremy's expression if someone ever told him about the existence of this fic.

The expression on all their faces would probably be priceless. :)